The week from hell...

I must have really pissed off the Karma Gods (if you believe in that sort of stuff). I don’t really. I am nice to most every one. Sure I may blog about you or laugh at you to my friends but you don’t know so it doesn’t hurt your feelings. Apparently someone overheard me talking about them though because like I said. The Karma Gods are PISSED!

So my husband deployed. Not the first time, but definitely his last. It doesn’t matter how many times you go through it, it never gets any easier. Let me give you a break down of my first week alone.

Friday (the night before my husband leaves): My son comes home from school with diarrhea and throwing up. So much for our fun dinner out and Kinect family night.

Saturday: Son is sick and in bed and baby is napping so I have to call my neighbor to come stay with the kids while I drop my beloved at the airport. Some 3 hours later, beloved calls, “my ATM card doesn’t work. Can you bring me some money?” So I call a different neighbor to come sit with the kids again. Run to Walgreen’s because here in Bumpkinville it was easier than going to the bank and having to go all the way down the one way road to have to U-turn and come back up. Stupid ass one way streets in Bumpkinville. Sooo here we are in Walgreen’s. I ask the ATM for $300. It gives me $60. WTF?!?! Are you serious??? I thought, “Wow, I’m a jack ass and did something wrong.” So I ask for another $200. Smart. I know right!? Then $320 comes out. You can’t be serious. So after shoving a back scratcher in the machine and pulling out my money that is jammed I am still $40 short. Oh, well, I’ll call the bank later. I take the money to my love and go home.

Sunday: My son starts feeling better and the baby starts having diarrhea. Nice. I can’t catch a break.

Monday: Baby still has diarrhea but my son goes to school. So not an awful day.

Tuesday: Baby wakes up throwing up. Poor little sweet thing, it breaks my heart. I call the Dr.s office at 8 a.m. and leave a message for a nurse. No call back. I call back at 10 a.m. and finally get to speak to someone. No, no pee diapers. No, she can’t keep anything down. After following the advice of the nurse and giving 2 tsp. of milk every 20 minutes, we end up at the Dr.s office. If there are no wet diapers by 5-6 p.m. to the off to the ER I should go. So here comes 5 p.m.still no pee, and still not holding anything down. I make arrangements for the boy to stay at the neighbors and off the baby and I go. I ask for a pediatric Dr. or nurse. They tell me there are none and all of the Dr.s and nurses are qualified to take care of my baby. BULLSHIT! There is a complete and total difference between and ER Dr. and a Pediatric Dr. The first thing the ER Dr. says to me...”um, your daughter has boobs. I think she will have premature puberty. You need to speak to your Dr. about it.”  Are you fucking serious? She is a baby. Babies have tiny baby boobies, but none the less, now I am freaked out about something I had no issue with before I got to the ER. Nice. I took eight hours, five nurses, and seven tries before they could get and IV in my sweet babies hand. It was absolutely awful. If it wasn’t for a wonderful friend who came to sit with me I would have been in a padded room or taken away in cuffs for kicking someones ass. On top of all this I can’t get ahold of my baby’s Dr. because some jackass flipped a switch and made the phone number the fax number. At 2:45 a.m. we finally get admitted. After eight hours on the IV and more blood work we are told she will be fine and we can go home. I am soo happy!

Wednesday: We come home and the baby plays a bit. She still has a bit of diarrhea and a small throw up here and there but a big improvement The boy comes home and had a good day. Maybe things are looking up. 

Thursday: I wake up at 2 in the morning with diarrhea and throwing up. Can’t catch a fucking break. So my son gets a day off school to help me take care of the baby. Before you judge me...A) I have a limited network and my network consists of people who all have kids my sons age and younger so I can’t expect them to take my sick baby, and B) Screw you if you don’t like it. I didn’t ask what you thought. I mean that in the nicest fashion. 

Friday: 12:40 the baby wakes up throwing up. Thank goodness I went to bed at 8. I can handle this. So I change her and snuggle her and put her back to bed. I lay in mine and listen to her babble and kick. Finally she quiets down and I get up to check on her. As I get closer to my door I smell a stench so appalling I am convinced something is dead outside and the smell is wafting inside. I get to the baby’s room and the smell hangs in the air like death. I am convinced that her insides are rotting. I change her while holding my breath and trying not to vomit. It is the worst smell I have ever endured. I finally get to go back to my bed. Peaceful sleep. I feel better at 7a.m. when the boy gets up for school so off he goes. And the baby wakes throwing up and covered in snot...

So that was my week, like I said, if I believed in Karma, I would think that I had done something horrible. But in all honesty, I think it happened to make me grateful for all of the days I had when we weren’t sick, to show me that through all my anger at my husband leaving me during this, I am fully capable of dealing with it and everything else life throws my way during this deployment. But I can only hope it gets better....

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I wonder

I wonder how you sleep at night...

I wonder how you look at yourself in the mirror...

I wonder why you portray me as the bad guy...

I wonder how you can dislike someone, yet give them your child...

I wonder who you think you are fooling...

All of the lies that you tell yourself, and others, are translucent. The way you pretended to be so concerned about the outcome, wanting to still have contact, the way you acted like you were giving of yourself, and that you were so distraught about the situation. 

Give me a break. You have called 3 times in 3 years. I know it was because someone made you feel guilty, or asked you what happened to him. Why bother? We know you, there is no need to lie to us. We know the gifts aren’t in the mail and we know you won’t remember to call on his birthday this year. I don’t understand how you can possibly forget when you gave birth to him. 

I now realize you made a choice, long before I was ever in the picture.Your actions tell the world you never wanted him to begin with.He served his purpose at the time and then you moved on to what you thought were bigger and better things with no regard to anyone’s feelings but your own. You say you left him for his own good but we know you just wanted to be free of responsibility. You didn’t want to be burdened by your own child. You, my dear, are ridiculous. You act like I am the bad person, blame me for your actions, and go on about how you don’t like me. But you gave your child away permanently.....to ME.....me that you don’t like, me who is with him every day, takes him to practice and games, taught him to read and write, feeds him, and gives him the love he needs and deserves. LMFAO.....you got me.....I must be a horrible person. 

You are a clown. You should form a drug habit so one day when he does ask about you, you have an excuse for being a dead beat mom. As it stands now, you are just a selfish and hateful person who masquerades as a parent. 

I feel sorry for your new children.....who will pick up the pieces for them when you repeat the cycle?

You may not like me, as if I care, and the world knows I do not like you, but I do love MY son.

Must be depressing to be so unhappy because of everyone else.....but smile, HE is, and we are forever grateful for your choice!

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Truth as I see it

Some truths...

It is ok to...want to punch someone in the face really really badly...now should you go around doing so? Probably not. That would open a can of worms you may not have anticipated, such as; getting your ass kicked or possibly assault charges...neither would be good. But I understand feeling mad at that annoying mom with 4 kids running wild, the lady at the register that won’t STFU and do her job, or that kid that picks on your child (yeah, kids aren’t exempt. Sorry) and REALLY, I mean REALLY wishing you could just bust them in the eye.

make mistakes...Every one does. Learn from it and move on!

want what you don’t have...That is what makes you excel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, be happy with what you have and all that sweet crap BUT sometimes, if you really want what the Jones have, you will work harder to get it.

come up above those around you...Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for being better than them. And yes, some people are better than others. You can pretend everyone is equal but IMO that is bullshit. Some people want more and do what needs to be done to get it. Some people put forth no effort to better their lives but sit and bitch about how rough they have it. Boo fucking hoo! Don’t get pissed at me because me and mine have goals and make moves to bring them to fruition.

want your kids to leave you alone for 10 fucking seconds...I love my kids, but sometimes it would be nice to not have to be on 16 hours out of the day. Feeding, dressing, burping, answering questions. The only time I have peace is when I sleep and even that is interrupted to go check on the baby through out the night. Know what would be nice to do for 16 hours a day??? Talk to a grown person and drink lots of yummy wine! OHHH or go dancing! I love to shake my ass to some booty music ;)

really dislike your family...I mean REALLY not like them. I mean like wish that you knew a hit man and take their asses out not like them. Some people, no matter how hard you try, or how much you want things to be right, just aren’t worth your time. They won’t change, still make the same excuses, and stand by the same old lies. No amount of you praying, wishing, or hoping is going to change them. My FIN told me, "Wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up faster." So very true! Let them go. Some people, family or not, are toxic. 

lie...We were all taught that lying is wrong, and it is. However, there are times when it is necessary to keep the peace or to just be a nice person. Kid comes home with the most retarded ass drawing you have ever seen. You have no idea what it is, do you A) tell said child, “Child, WTF is this crap? Did you draw it or did some handicapped kid draw it?” OR B) “Nice job! I can see you worked hard on this.” Hmmm? Hmmmm...see you lie too! Or you have a friend who comes to you with relationship problems (my recommendation, first and foremost, is to stay out of it!!!) do you say A) “Are you stupid? Those are definitely signs that he is out tappin’ someone else’s ass!” (because he totally is! Not coming home all night, not where he is supposed to be, etc.,etc.) No one wants to hear the truth, even if they ask. They don’t. If you want to lose your friend then tell the truth but if you value that friendship, stay out of it!) OR B) “He would never do such a thing, you are too wonderful.” Lie, lie, lie. You are better off! This is a good one I got from a friend, she says she fakes her orgasm so the sex will end. It isn't bad sex at all she says, she just has other things she wants or feels she needs to do. Bwaaahahaha! Funny yet sad. I would much rather have an orgasm than go do a chore! But hey, whatever works. It is a lie by omission. 

So just so you know you all have my permission to feel theses ways about situations, people, etc. There is nothing wrong with any of them and if you think there is you can bite me :)

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